Additional Charges

I've recently noticed some internal feuds in our Welsh Sector. I would like to point out to those involved rule 5. i) from the official PIGS rules.

5) i) Rule 1 (The Primary Rule) exists above all other rules.

With this in mind, I've decided to charge stace with the following crimes, in addition to those brought by my fellow founder, dart.

7. Not using the PIGS website for official correspondance, and instead illigally using the PIGS mailing list

8. Refusing to accept that you are AWOL.

9. Bringing up the alledged failure of a founder to book a bus in telford with Mr Telford of Glasgow, and therefore making him look stupid, when clearly the founder could not have been involved, as founders are all powerful beings incapable of such stupidity.. so it must have been someone else.

10. Trying to book a bus in Telford with Mr Telford of Glasgow

11. Trying to get into the Premier of Revenge of the Sith with Attack of the Clones tickets.

12. Being proud of your name.

Below is the reply from stace to the previous post for those that didnt recieve the email..

"Ho ho bastard ho.

1. The deal was clearly 20 bottles. The word 'crate' never entered into it. At least, not until you decided 20 wasn't sufficient. Cunt.

2. Fair point, well made.

3. AWOL? I've been here all the bastard time. Twat.

4. Yeah, whatever. I'm sure you said you didn't actually want me there or something.

5. Two words. Mister. Telford.

6. And proud of it.

Let me know when you're coming to Swansea. I'll make sure I'm out.

Regional Co-ordinator? Regional cunt more like.

MFI Dave (lack of intelligence specialist)

ps If I hand myself in, do I get cake???"

Rewriting history

Let it be known that Founders cannot make mistakes.

For those of you who thought you read the title 'Intelligence Officer' in relation to the criminal charges as put forward in the last e-mail, you did not.

In fact it read 'Minister for Information'.

Good, I'm glad that is all cleared up.

Proceed.

Infernal Memo

To All PIGS,

Festive greetings from your Founders.

Stace you are a cunt, where the fuck are you? Make contact with your regional co-ordinator. Now. One of the Founders will be in swansea over the festive period, you will meet with them or face the consequences.

All other PIGS: keep searching for Stace, he is a renegade and must be intercepted. News of his whereabouts is much sought after. There may well be a reward for information leading to his capture, it will probably be cake.

Criminal Proceedings will be started against the Intelligence Officer in the New Year, with or without his capture. His crimes are listed below:

1. Believing that 20 bottles make a crate of beer, when everyone knows its actually 24.
2. Only paying off 8 bottles of his beer debt to date.
3. Going AWOL for months on end.
4. Not keeping a scheduled meeting with a Founder.
5. Contributing to a totally piss poor stag do organisational effort for which a Founder can take no blame whatsoever.
6. Being Stace.

I see there being no defence possible to the charges, i imagine that the punishment will be severe.

As it should be.

New Member and Promotion

The esteemed founders would like to announce new membership to the PIGS - Martin Plumbridge now joins our Essex chapter and immediately takes over the Senior Member position from Intelligence officer Dan Field - who is now sacked from the Senior Member position, effective immediately. Hard Cheese old chap.

For those PIGS keen to welcome Martin to our movement, you can check out his blog http://momentsonly.blogspot.com/ .

The picture is a representative image only and may or may not resemble the real Martin Plumbridge.

In a rare moment of accountability the Founders have decided to publish the decision making process at this time. Do not expect this in the future as they are mighty and may do as they wish. See below.

PIGS Forever and PIGS OUT.

-----------------------------------------

mat says:
marin will ahve to be inducted into the PIGS
mat says:
martin
DaveS says:
yeah
rhys says:
yes this is acceptible
mat says:
i cant type because my fingers are developing frostbite
DaveS says:
he's a PIGS alright
rhys says:
two founders agree - he is in
mat says:
all in favour say aii
mat says:
aiiii
rhys says:
aii
DaveS says:
ho
rhys says:
iii
rhys says:
ok induct him
mat says:
yeah when we move in
rhys says:
tell to read the rules and precepts on the pigs site
DaveS says:
yeah
mat says:
yeah course
rhys says:
thats inducting
rhys says:
he's no inner core
mat says:
plus he will need some lower level rite
rhys says:
the core is full anyhow
rhys says:
well we've never done a rite to a none inner core
mat says:
nah
rhys says:
lets immediately make him senior member - sacking dan
mat says:
yeah dan should have been sacked ages ago
rhys says:
and then decide that senior members need a lower level rite
mat says:
yeah
rhys says:
before they can be sacked and replaced with someone else
rhys says:
as we do from time to time
rhys says:
i like how we run the pigs - its like the soviet politburo now - new people can only get onto the inner core if someone dies
mat says:
so we need to perform a lower level rite on dan
rhys says:
no because he was sacked before we brought in that rule
mat says:
but he lives in aberland
rhys says:
approx 15 secs before
mat says:
oh good
mat says:
the motion was brought, we never said aii
rhys says:
not sacked from the pigs, just from the senior member position
mat says:
but then we havent said aii about the rite
mat says:
yeah
rhys says:
oh ok shall we do this properly?
mat says:
yeah
mat says:
dave you're our witness
mat says:
not that we need one
rhys says:
what order? dan, martin, junior rite?
mat says:
yeah
mat says:
i prefer the term lower level rite
rhys says:
ok, thats fine
rhys says:
i was being lazy
mat says:
makes them sound more pathetic in comparison to us
rhys says:
ok
mat says:
junior suggests they can improve
rhys says:
can we add the word 'pathetic'
rhys says:
pathetic lower level rite
rhys says:
puny, pathetic, lower level insignificant rite
mat says:
which ultimatly they cant as theyll just be removed in favour of someone more interesting in future
mat says:
yes puny is a good word
mat says:
insignificant before lower i think
rhys says:
remove insignificant
rhys says:
yeah what you said
rhys says:
ok
rhys says:
all those in favour of sacking dan as senior member say aii
rhys says:
aiiiiii
mat says:
aiiiii
DaveS says:
ho
rhys says:
right so dan goes back to the intelligence division
mat says:
we should add this to the website
mat says:
we have a blog and all now
rhys says:
all those in favour of promoting martin to the rank of senior member say aiii
mat says:
aiiii
rhys says:
aaiiiii
rhys says:
all those in favour of the senior member being subject to a pathetic, puny, insignificant lower levl rite say aii
mat says:
aiii
DaveS says:
ho
rhys says:
aiii
rhys says:
may i just point out there was a typo there
mat says:
thats ok
rhys says:
levl should read level
mat says:
yeah
rhys says:
good
mat says:
i didnt notice
DaveS says:
awesome
rhys says:
thats because we transcend language
rhys says:
as the founders and all
mat says:
wonder what a PPILL rite will consist of

Important Dates

It would be really helpful if everyone getting married would let me know when their weddings and stag dos are.

Well really i know about stace, so could you please tell me jimmy?

I'm mostly worrying because i have a suspicion that i'm organising stace's stag do on your wedding day.

This would be an error. I mean Kathryn wouldn't be happy that you'd be on the piss instead of getting hitched...

Piss Up. Brewery.

So I'm going to be Stace's Best Man.

My first Stag related tasks:

Book a place to stay.
Organise Transport from place to stay to pub and back again.

Tasks completed: Zero.

Hilarious failures: One.

We are going to a place near Telford to stay in a barn (hopefully), I contacted 'Telford's Coaches' to see about a cost of ferrying us back and forth.

Mr. Telford wrote back to me: "We are based in Glasgow" he said

FAILURE

Not my finest hour.

maybe if I look up 'Glasgow's Coaches' I'll find Mr. Glasgow, based in Telford?

Punishment Ritual

Well HLM Shilson was the last to post on the blog then.

Shirking his PIGS responsibilites he is.

Punished he shall be.

Details to follow after Founder-led discussions...

good evening PIGS

In my defence I have both commented on previous posts, and handed over the first 8 bottles of Carlsberg.

First 8 of 20 as per the terms of the wager. Not the first 8 of 24. Nice try Dart.

However, I am now not the last to post.

I do however have a book.

Still.

hi there

well I havent posted because there's nothing to report. But I have now, its just the daves left now.

I also set up some mailing list bollocks, but i don't know if it works, sorry if anyone is getting lots of random emails with "test" written in them

Pay attention

Hey guys, this is not being used enough seeing as its now supposed to be the heartbeat of the PIGS and all.

Last inner core member (excluding jimmy - who hasn't yet joined and will be dealt with separately) to post on the site will have to endure some sort of punishment as decided by the other members.

Get your act together!

Founder Dart.

Invoice

To: Mr David Terry Stacey

Invoice for: One box of 24 bottle of Carlsberg lager

To be delivered Immediately

With thanks,

Rhys Dart



Ho yeah!

Day one in the Gay Veggie Week

So the challenge has begun, one week as a veggie.

I was going to do it anyway but then Stace bet me I couldn't, so now i'm twice as determined - especially as there is a crate of carlsberg bottles at stake.

Can't wait to taste that sweet beery nectar.

Anyway, met all the fellow veggies at work and we went for a veggie breakfast. Looked longingly at the crispy bacon but managed to restrict myself to the veggie option. First challenge complete.

I have cheese sarnies for lunch, and a roasted veggie pizza lined up for dinner. No massive desire to eat a steak yet, although i am only two hours in.

I had chicken and bacon casserole last night. mmmmmm i liked that.

Still i'm sure lentils and pulses taste nice like that when cooked in the proper way. Right?

Pub Golf - The results

Scorecards are in and the drinking is over (for now)

Final scores:

Mat -10
Rhys -11
Dave -11

Although we actually all drank the same, Mat just didn't down two pints like me and dave.

I had 4 tequlias in the last pub - i was a wreck.

The night was marvellous, much drinking and fun was had by all. Apparently we didn't win but then everyone else cheated anyway. So P.I.G.S. rule and all anyway.

Apparently i'm now stupid rather than a cunt when hammered as well, which is a welcome change.

and i beat mat.

wahoo.

Good Ole Essex Knees Up

We are now only a day away from our mate Phil's & his fiance Vicki's (oh, she's our mate too) stag & hen do.

Its going to be a Pub Golf affair in Brentwood, Essex.

Three of the P.I.G.S. inner core will be competing and forming three quarters of a very competitive Fourball. Founders Dart & Mat will be joined by HLM Shilson in this titanic struggle between good, evil, real ale and spirits.

Who will win? Find out here first - scorecards to be posted sometime after the hangover wears off.


Its probably a good thing that stace (mfi dave) isn't coming because there are rules governing when you can go to the toilet, and he has the campest, weakest, most pathetic bladder in the world. His score would be terrible.

Wager

I, Founder Dart, do hereby swear on Tony that I will not eat any meat, or meat based products from 8am on 31st August until 8am 6th September 2005, in line with some gay 'veggie week' at my place of work.
This challenge will be witnessed by work colleagues, friends, relatives, and (if necessary) passing strangers. Should I fail in this challenge I shall pay to Minister for Information Dave the price of 20 bottles of Carlsberg beer.
I will post daily updates of my progress here to keep all PIGS informed of my progress.

I, Minister for Information Dave, do hereby swear on Tony that should Founder Dart achieve his challenge, I shall give up the herewagered 20 bottles of Carlsberg.

In the unlikely event of a dispute, both parties agree to accept the decision reached by a simple majority of the rest of the Inner Core.

To accept these terms, I will ask the esteemed Founder Dart to signify below.

Welcome

This is P.I.G.S. HQ

Mortals will cower under Tony's wrath & much drinking will be done.

Learn the precepts, follow the rules and you will be adequate.